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Hell

 

I could talk about this subject all day. Shoes are the one article of clothing that make me go all girly. I can skip the jewelry, purses and makeup without batting an eye, but shoes are an entirely different matter. If I ever pass out, skip the smelling salts and wave a nice Italian leather stiletto under my nose and I’ll be on my feet before you can say Valentino. Combine Halloween and shoes…well, excuse me but I need a moment of private time.

Need more proof outside of my closet full of heeled art? This is my new welcome mat.

shoe matAnd because it IS all about the shoes, I’m bringing you just a sample of some of the amazing Halloween-worthy kicks out there. I truly could post over 100, but the law requires me to feed my children and such. So grab a drink, cigarette or whatever else you need to enjoy the little shoe-gasm and scroll on down the page.

Scroll on down…

scroll on down the road…

(Get it? Just like “Move on Down the Road” from The Wiz. The Wiz? Wizard of Oz? Ruby slippers, people!! I know it’s Monday, but keep up!)

The Devil Doesn’t Always Wear Prada:

kicks 23Sometimes the devil wears sparkly, cheap pumps from Hot Topic.

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Sometimes the devil might be in a drag show as Elvira and needs these spider web pumps from Costume Hub.

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Or maybe the mood calls for some Frankenstein/zombie/Time Burton-ish heels that had no freakin’ link. Then the devil gets mad and throws a little hissy fit because now he can’t find out where to buy these.

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After the devil gets over the other shoes, he discovers these bony creations by Funtasma and sold on Amazon.

kicksBut sometimes the devil wants a little more meat on the bones. Then you gobble up these flesh-eater fantasy pumps. They were by Nixxie Rose on Etsy but the link to her shop no longer works.

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These Zombie Stompers are by Iron Fist. They make lots of cool things.

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Sometimes the devil might get lonely and not want to go party alone, so he grabs one of these Ouija heels and conjures up a few friends. Contact Miss Fiendish if you want some.

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If the devil really want to party, he brings along Freddy and these fab heels. (Also by the mysteriously disappeared Nixxi Rose.)

But what if the devil’s bunion is acting up…

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The orthopedic version of Micheal Myers! Comfort for long, slow chases after terrified, mentally slow teenagers. Visit Arkham Prints to get your own.

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Maybe your bunions like to wear killers who have a little more bite. These do the trick, but good luck finding them. By looking at all of the angry comments on tauntr.com, there’s no good link. Maybe they were trying to sell them without buying rights first? Find a talented friend and pay them to paint some for you.

When the Devil DOES Wear Prada:

So , you got a label whore of a devil on your hands. Only high fashion will work. Well, here are some expensive, artsy kicks that still have that wicked vibe.

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It looks a little like she stepped on a raven, but they’re still cool. By Vicente Rey and photographed by Oskar Alvarado.

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These make me cry happy tears. I’d fight the devil for them. Bring on the dueling banjo song. Haider Ackerman boots photographed by Cristi and Scot from StyleSheet.

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I’m going to be Maleficent this year, and if I didn’t already have some kick-ass boots, these would be perfect. No source for these “Sleeping” beauties.

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Pretty snake by Guiseppe Zanotti.

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More pretty snakes. I’d wear these anytime. I couldn’t find a link for these exact shoes, but I found some very similar and possibly by the same people here.

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This moves into the high-art/freaky category, but they deserved a spot on the list. The piece is actually part of the Virtual Shoe Museum, an art piece called Black Magic by Natalie Shau. You can’t have the shoe, but you can order a print.

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Or just give him some actual Prada. Yep. Real Prada for a fancy bitch witch.

Shit That Made me Laugh (or want to take a shower):

Like with all Google searches, some interesting things come up. Here are some that either made me laugh hysterically or feel like I’d been groped by something slimy.

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These really made me laugh. I’m not sure what the hell they are. It’s like the Monster Book from Harry Potter got rolled in the bathroom of a goth club and given a makeover. (To make us feel better or worse, these are actually part of a cake and featured on BuzzFeed.)

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*giggle*….One….*snort*…word…*giggle*…Why?

Seriously.

Why?

(If you do find this a must-have, go to Etsy, but know that you can’t wear them. They’re…art.)

And now for the one that just made me shiver and feel weird. Probably because of that horrible accident that involved me seeing a Real Sex episode that involved people dressing like horses.

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Mr. Ed, Trigger, Silver, Black Beauty and all the Pretty Ponies are in a group therapy session somewhere over this. The image originally came from If Shoes Could Kill, but I’m sending you here to this foreign blog that has a display to leave you scratching your head harder than a werewolf with fleas.

Until next time- Wicked wishes-

Ash

 

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