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No, that’s not the title of a Kung Fu/Pirates of the Caribbean spin-off or really great names for Key West bars. It’s a title that describes a recent adventure I was able to cross off my bucket list. As my readers know, (decades, wrinkles, and 3 massive babies ago) I did some modeling. For sometime now I’ve really wanted to do an underwater photoshoot. This is strange considering I’m not a great swimmer and can’t stand water in my eyes. But, I do love a challenge, and I happened to have some photographer friends with the equipment, the skill, the patience, and either the ability to look past pudge and wrinkles or failing eyesight.

Once a date was set, I spent a few weeks lifting weights so that my arms didn’t resemble the wings of eagle rays and I researched tons of cool shots. After deciding on the looks I liked, I went about collecting and making costumes. I will not bore you with that process but will say that if you’re sewing something to go underwater you should remember that the water will weigh it down and rip out crappy, half-ass stitches.

My hope was that I would end up with a photo that was graceful and surreal. A photo more like the work of Fan Bingbing…

Go and check out all of these amazing photos by this talented photographer.

Go and check out all of these amazing photos by this talented photographer.

And less Seth Casteel…

Seriously funny but not the look I was going for.

Seriously funny but not the look I was going for.

And after several hours of swimming in heavy costumes and a couple of chlorine burned eyes later–I got some great shots…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The costume I made complete with bedazzled boobies.

The costume I made complete with bedazzled boobies.

 

 

This one makes me laugh because it looks like I'm watching you watch me in an aquarium.

This one makes me laugh because it looks like I’m watching you watch me in an aquarium.

I love this one because I feel like a comic book hero flying towards a villian to deliver some whoop ass.

I love this one because I feel like a comic book hero flying towards a villan to deliver some whoop ass.

And now for the one that inspired the title of this post (well, at least half of it). I now give you…..

……….. wait for it……

…….here it comes….

…………………………………………Drowning ninja!!!!

Hy-YAAHHhh... blub..blub...blub...

HI-YAAHHhh… blub..blub…blub…

And now that I have insulted ninja everywhere, I will close with saying that I’m really glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and did this. When I was 20 and had the body of a goddess, I thought I was fat and turned down bathing suit shoots a lot. At this age I’m wise enough to know that I may never get another chance and my mother-of-3 body is amazing for the simple fact that it’s mine and the only one I have. So, my advice to you is that if you’re letting the fear of looking stupid or being judged hold you back- tell that mutha to take a flying leap so you can, too. Be brave. Give your insecurities the finger and just go do it!! Bucket lists aren’t made for just sitting in a drawer. Now, go kick some ass like a drowning ninja.

The two amazing photographers who worked on this project are Dan Leffel and John Lehman. Go check them out. If you’re in the Dallas area, think about working with them.

 

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